Why Honesty Is So Hard: A Deep Dive into the Psychology of Lying
Do you lie? As social creatures we rely on trust and honesty, yet deception tends to follow us everywhere we go; Have you ever asked yourself why that is? Such deceiving behaviours aren’t exclusive to humans either, many animals camouflage, fake death or injury, and pretend to be something they aren’t in an effort to survive. From the beginning of time early humans used deception to their advantage against their rivals for resources, mates, status, and overall survival.
But where did lying come from? Lying is a cognitive and social strategy rather than a single invention and as such it evolved with time to aid our survival within the continuously changing complex social constructs. Nowadays children develop the ability to use deception at as early as 2 years old as they learn that such strategy can aid them in getting what they want as well as help them avoid punishment, by the age of 4 they are capable of crafting believable lies as they begin to understand what information must be withheld or altered. At this point they also develop the understanding of white lies and their need to protect the feelings of others. But why is deception and lying our go to strategy? Why do we lie? There are a vast number of reasons you may choose to use deception or lie; Generally, we use such strategy for our own self-gain or protection whether that is to achieve something, prevent something or avoid consequence and punishment.
1.Self-Serving Lies – Most Common
-Avoiding consequences and punishment. For example, by denying breaking something.
-Gaining something through the manipulation of a situation. For example, by exaggerating skills and experience on a CV.
-Protecting self-image and ego by avoiding embarrassment or making oneself look better. For example, through boasting
-Avoiding confrontation and discomfort by staying away from difficult conversations or uncomfortable truths. For example, by pretending to be busy.
2.Pro-Social Lies – White Lies
-Protecting the feelings of other. For example, by telling them their outfit looks great even when you don’t think it does.
-Maintaining social harmony. For example, by preventing conflict; telling someone what they want to hear to prevent a disagreement.
-Protecting others from harm. For example, by lying to someone to keep them safe.
3.Pathological Lying
-This type of lying is no necessary common.
-A pathological liar often has no control over their lies.
-They lie out of habit
-In some cases, such lying is linked to other underlying causes such as personality disorders or low self-esteem where one uses it to construct a false reality.
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It’s important to remember that although lying is part of our day to day it almost always comes at a cost.
1.Cognitive Strain
-Despite the potential ‘benefits’ of lying it is often more difficult to lie than to tell the truth as in order to lie successfully our mind must work harder to suppress the truth, construct a believable alternative, and keep the lie consistent over time.
2.Emotional Strain
-Emotionally one might need to fight the negative feelings which result from lying such as guild, anxiety, fear of being caught, and shame.
3.Impact on Self-Perception
-Regular lying can also impact one’s perception of themselves, diminishing their sense of integrity and authenticity, leading to feelings of isolation and negative view of oneself.
4.Fine Line
-The more we lie, the easier it becomes!
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So, how can you tell if someone is lying to you? That may depend on how good they are at it, someone who lies often may have mastered the art of deception making it extremely difficult to distinguish when they are being truthful and when they aren’t. There are however some things to look out for.
The Myths
-Before digging into the giveaways of a lie, it’s important to note that things you think are signs of lying such as avoiding eye contact or fidgeting are simply misconceptions. They are not reliable indicators of lying but rather more likely signs of stress.
Cognitive Cues
-Verbal inconsistencies such as contradictions in the narrative.
-Hesitation, repetition, excessive detail, or lack of detail where it would be expected.
-Expressions or emotions unmatched or contradicting to the narrative, such as expression of distress when talking about an achievement.
-The key is to know the potential liar’s normal behaviour in order to spot any inconsistencies.
Ultimately, our tendency to lie and deceive is deeply rooted in evolution; Our need to survive and self-preserve. It is part of our daily life and isn’t going anywhere, however it does come at a cost, therefore it’s essential to use it wisely and only when necessary. Remember honestly tends to always be the best policy, so be truthful, save your mental energy, tackle the consequences and come out stronger at the end without guilt, shame, or anxiety.
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