Tired of People-Pleasing? It's Time to Prioritise Your Own Happiness
Do you ever feel that despite working hard, and having everything that society perceives as the ultimate goal to happiness and success such as a stable job, a good salary, and a nice house, you still don’t feel truly happy or fulfilled? (I used to feel it too)
We all chase the same things (money, success, power) because that is all we know, all we been taught from the outset of our existence. We believe that getting that well paid job (even if we hate it) or that big fancy house (even though we don’t need it) somehow will give us this sense of achievement and pride which will ultimately bring us happiness.
Social norms are the foundation on which our daily lives and the choices within them depend on, they were introduced long before me or you to fuel historical needs for stability, social order, and economic efficiency amongst many other things. Over time it has been socially accepted that in order to be a normal, successful and respected individual within society you must study hard, go to a good university, get a high-paying job, buy a nice big house, get married, have kids, and eventually retire. This concept definitely provides structure to life, but does it really offer happiness?
I used to think so, I worked hard 9-5 to bring in a good income, continued to study around my work to increase my qualifications, had a stable relationship, bought my first house at 21, from a social norm perspective I was a thriving young adult, far ahead of most others my age. The problem was that I wasn’t happy.
It wasn’t until I took my first trip to the Scottish Highlands that I realised that there is far more to life than the hectic chasing of social acceptance and success. I don’t know what it was but the peace, nature, scenery and the polite, happy, people just made something click for me.
So, not long after this trip my partner and I decided its time we pave our own way to happiness, one that is not founded up on what is normal or acceptable to everyone else. We sold our house and most of our stuff, got into a remote job fairly quickly so that we can still make some income on the go and without any concrete plan for the future decided we are moving to the Scottish Highlands. We found a little cottage for rent in a small village, in the middle of nowhere just in time, and we blindly went for it without viewing it. This was all just over a year ago, and I can honestly say it was the best choice we have ever made.
Happiness is not one size fits all so to feel truly fulfilled, successful and at peace, you must construct your own path and do what makes you happy not what others think you should do or what is socially acceptable. Here are a few tips to guide you towards your ultimate happiness.
1.Passion over salary
Don’t choose a career just because its deemed successful, we all want to make our parents proud, but this should never come at a cost to your own happiness. Spending your days doing something you dislike will ultimately drain you and although it may pay a lot, it will leave you with little to no energy or desire for life outside of work. Is that really worth it?
Remember that time is your most valuable asset. Most of us these days spend a large portion of our lives working so the last thing you want is to sacrifice so much of your life doing something you hate, something that drains you and leaves you unfulfilled.
Ask yourself if money and socially defined success were non existent would you have still chosen the same career? Or would you have followed, developed and grown your real passions?
Choosing a career, you are passionate about regardless of the money it brings or what others might think of it will give you something money cannot buy which is the sense of meaning, purpose, and true happiness. Doing what you love allows you to be completely absorbed and energised by what you do, and it may not even feel like work which has an enormous impact on your overall wellbeing.
So, whether you are a CEO who wishes they were a baker, a lawyer who wants to become a travel photographer or a doctor who dreams of being a farmer stop sidelining your happiness and just go for it. Don’t overthink it, don’t worry about what others might say or think, it’s not their happiness, it’s yours and you are the only one who matters, your dreams and desires are more important than social norms and outdated constructs of what’s right or successful. Real success is breaking out of the cycle of conformance you were born into and following your true passions.
2.Power to shape your life choices
We are socially expected to buy a house, settle down in a specific place and, accumulate possessions which most of us do in an attempt to feel achieved and successful in the eyes of society and we often forget to stop and ask ourselves; Is this what will make me happy?
There is so much more to life than what’s socially acceptable or deemed as successful and you have the power to shape your life in the way that makes you happy and fulfilled.
You are unique, so your happy place or lifestyle may not be what the society dictates it should be. Whether you love the city, nature or, travel do what will make you truly happy rather than what you are expected to do, to appear happy.
Ask yourself where do you truly feel at peace? What kind of lifestyles truly excites you, regardless of how ‘normal’ it is?
Do you enjoy the fast-paced city life? Or slow and peaceful rural life where you are surrounded by nature? Or maybe travelling is more for you? Camper? Do you hate clutter…is it time to go minimalistic? Or is self sufficiency your true calling?
Remember you don’t need to adhere to what’s socially accepted, you only have one life so don’t wait, make the most of it. Last thing you want to do is sacrifice your own happiness and peace to conform to a broken system so that your can appear happy and successful in the eyes of society.
3.Acceptance and Authenticity
Social pressures these days go beyond career and lifestyle; your relationship status, body image, social circles, fashion and many more aspects of your life and who you are is under constant social pressure forcing you to choose between conforming to the norms to fit in or risking being judged.
So many of us hide our true selves behind social norms ultimately sabotaging our chance at true happiness because of fear of social judgment.
Think about it for a second, what parts of yourself have you suppressed to fit in? What would it feel like to fully embrace your quirks and unique desires?
You don’t need to fit in. Just be you, the real you. Those who are worth your time will adore you for who you are and, encourage your-self growth and authenticity while those who judge will be a reminder of how far you’ve come, a reminder that you escaped the social cage they are still stuck inside of.
Define your own success, dismiss the socially constructed external metrics such as promotions, wealth or followers. Break free from comparisons, don’t compare your life, body or choices to those of others on and off social media. Remind yourself that you are unique and so is your journey therefore it is incomparable to that of others. Focus of your self-discovery, remember that choosing happiness is an ongoing process of growth and exploration into who you truly are and what brings you joy, as well as unlearning adherence to social norms which you were taught your whole life.
Choose happiness!
When you take your first step out of the social norms people will talk, question, judge, or even criticize. I’ve been there; my family thought I was crazy, and many judged but once I made my first step out of the social norms there was no way I was turning back or caring what people thought anymore. Now here I am over a year later happier than I even been, living my dream life and all those who thought I was crazy, those who judged are now jealous and wish they had the courage to do the same.
Chasing your dreams and happiness doesn’t have to be reckless, for me selling everything and moving without much of a plan was the best way as it took away any opportunity to overthink and second guess myself while at the same time provided me with a sense of an exciting adventure however, there is nothing wrong with taking things slower, making a detailed plan, considering financial stability or money saving options such as minimalist living or remote working and testing the waters first. There is no one right way to follow your dreams or pave your way to happiness so just do what feels right for you but stay persistent and don’t let social pressures make you give up on your dreams.
Your true happiness is unique to you. Choosing your happiness over social norms is an act of self-preservation, self-discovery, and authenticity. Your life is your masterpiece. So don’t wait, create it and don’t let someone else’s blueprint decide its colour and theme for you. Choose happiness, choose authenticity, choose you!
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